Corrupted World or Just…

Corrupted world? People that just do not realise that they are contradicting themselves. That get me really pissed. One hand, they are hating the society, and on the other hand, they are also the ones that caused it.

I had a conversation with my friend recently. We were talking about some healthy habits which turned into diet talks.


During the diet talk, we talked about healthy diet and unhealthy type. She brought up the anorexic and mention about people puking about they eat to keep their figure. What she said rang through my mind,


‘Corrupted World.;’ she said as she shook her head. And she even wondered about why people do it.


Just few months ago, we watched this performance together a class. From where I was sitting, I could heard her comments. Commenting on people’s honey thighs, or people with bamboo thighs. She was commenting all sorts of comments that made fun of people’s weight, appearances and just in general, hurtful comments.


And then, there she sat, wondering about why people do it.


That is the thing about human. We all do things unknowingly. All that hurtful comments when you first said it, it sound fun, hilarious. Yeah. Of course, because you are the one that they are making fun of. 


Just wait till that day when someone point their fingers at you and laughed. Just wait till that day. You will finally understand why people cared so much for their weight, puke, starve and whatever harmful thing.


I never really understand why people do it until I hit a certain age. It then hit me. All of us just want people to tell us that we look pretty, we all just want to feel good about myself. So much so to the extend we could hurt ourselves without thinking twice. We all just want to fit into the ‘pretty’ category that the world gave.


V shaped face
Big eyes.

We are willing to eat lesser, to be skinny.
Hurt our soles with heels to be taller and have slim legs.
Maintaining our weight at the most minimum level to have the sharp jaw.
Big circle lenses for big eyes.


This is all requirements given out by the world. Which would be change when everyone wants to. Even if a small amount of people rebel now, it will be a chain reaction where everyone will rebel. 


The world is a messed up place. One side, we are talking about how people could be so corrupted, so weird and hurtful. One the other side, we are the one causing it.


I caused this too. I am a stereotype. I am trying to change. I really am. I want to join the group that ‘rebel’. 


I want to end this post by saying


Words that the world said will never hurt you unless you allow it too. Keep your head up high and screw the people that are skinny and starving themselves. Food is good. You never know when is your last day. Are you going to live your last day by starving or by eating and be full. 


If you are starving yourself, don’t. It is not worth it for people that said comments like that. Starving is never the answer. You will gain more weight instead.


I am actually getting off topic. I always do anyways.


Keep your head high and be proud. The world sucks too.



We Stand Up Tall

We stand up tall

Even in the dark

Never forget we are a light house burning

They can’t hold us back

Never forget we are a light house burning

We will shine on

To bring us back home

Light house. Lighthouse is somehow what I feel the thing you can trust on. No matter how cold the nights, how hot the day. Weather or whatever. It always stay on. Usually, it stand alone. However, it’s job is to lead people back home to their loved ones. Even in the cold, dark night, they stand up and continued to shine on.


People are like lighthouses. We stand up tall and we shine. Sometimes, we don’t. People get scare sometimes. I do too. We all do. We stopped shining for just that slight moment but in the end, we will still shine again. We get scared of standing alone. You never are. You are alone, but you are not inside. No one thanked you out loud, but trust me, somewhere out there, sometime is thanking you.


No one ever walk up to a lighthouse, pat it and say thanks. All captains, whispered a ‘Thanks’ , ‘Thank you’ in their mind/ heart when they spot the light afar. For they know, they are home. Your parents acted like lighthouse for you. For you to know that you are home.


Sometimes, I think I don’t belong

I need some words, can’t find a song

We all make a choice in life

I pray that I’m wrong

We all think that we don’t belong, who does anyway. All of us feel that we don’t belong where we are. However, I believe, you are right where you are supposed to be. That is life. We are right where we are supposed to be at this time.


I am right where I am supposed to be, typing out this post. You are right where you are supposed to be, reading this blog.


So always remember, screw belonging here or there. You do not belong to anyone, be yourself. Screw belonging.


In life, there is many choices. So many, that I can’t even list some. For all I know, I could be sleeping now, I could be wanting to jump off a building. I could be doing anything but writing this blog. I choose to write this. (Despite me loving my sleep). I love to write, in this case, type. I want people to read what I post, thus my choice.


The only thing you do not have a choice in life is Death. We all have to face death. That’s the only one choice we can never escape. There is no such thing as eternal.


So next time, when you do something, do not like ‘I have no choice be your excuse.’ You are just another coward. Always always remember, you have a choice. It is you who choose to make it seems like you don’t have a choice. Always remember this.


The only choice you do not have in your life is dying.


The first two paragraph was quoted from Lighthouse – The Word Alive



Giving Up Is Never The Choice

Try, Trying and Tried. 


That is almost like the 3 phrases you face, before you start to give up.


There is a limit to everything. Even trying.


Trying for eternal for the same thing is demolishing. I am pretty sure everyone have that feeling. Right?


The excited feeling when you are going to try something. Even happier when you are trying to do. However, after a certain time, it gets to you. You start getting tired from the lack of response. Try and trying just turned to this thing called Tried and Tired. 


I get that everyday. No. It is not a harsh battle for life. It is rather a battle to make something happen. People leave me task to complete and I want to complete it but I am faced with lack of response. Something that get me everything.


Even writing this blog.


That excited feeling when you are starting out and hoping to be something great.
That happy and exciting feeling you get, when you are typing, when you received notifications that people followed you, like your post. 
That giving up feeling when you realised, no one have time for you. No one cared.


I am, however going to keep typing and keeping this blog going. So whoever is reading this blog post now and feeling tired.


Do not under any circumstances do a Sanita. 


You probably don’t get this. Don’t worry, almost everyone do not get this.


If you know yay!


I quoted this from a British show, ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get me out of here’. Sanita got in at a later episodes and she is absolutely terrified of everything, she did things done but however, chickened out at some.


There is a guy that actually wanted to stop doing this challenge and the first thing his team mate shouted at him is,


‘Do not under circumstances do a Sanita.’ aka, ‘Do not under circumstances, give up.’


You should not too.


There’s a lot of path in life. Don’t make giving up one. You never fail, until you give up.

Everything Is Somehow Your Fault. No.

Everything is somehow your fault. I feel that everyday.

Raise your hand if you ever felt that way.

This is just a mindless thought that passed through my head earlier.

Have you ever felt like you tried your hardest at anything and there will always be someone that just disagree with you? I guess that must be life.

And that worst of all. That person who disagreed with you is someone that you consider as a close friend?

It does not have to be a close friend. However, that feeling alone that you can’t out their expectations stings sometimes.

Especially for someone who would do whatever they want just to get them to agree to something.

And when you did what they asked you to, it magically becomes your fault when something turns bad.

I guess that must be life huh?

Living get so hard sometimes. Trying to look for other’s consents and then changing yourself into something that you’re not.

I want every single one of you know this
Not everything is your fault. We are all humans after all.

Easier said than done sometimes.

I can’t tell you how much I feel with you now.

Life sucks like this.

Just know this,

You have tried hard enough. You done enough. When people disagree , they could just hate you. And that feeling might be mutual in both of you guys.

Ignore people that try to make you feel bad, you’re way better than that, sweetheart.

We Fight Together, Not Alone

How many of you guys ever felt lonely? Like no one around you, actually understand how you feel?


It can be nothing serious. It does not mean you have to be having thoughts of suicide to feel alone. It does not mean you have to be bullied. It does not mean you have to have no friends.


There is no requirements for the need to feel lonely.


You can feel it on anything, anytime.


Sometimes, you can feel alone because no one really understands you or feel what you are going through. 


For me, personally, I felt it once. I can still remember it clearly. My family disagree on my action which I believed was right. I just chose to focus on something that they deemed less important while to me, it meant a lot. They did not understand the importance to me when I explained it to them.


For that time, I felt lost. I felt misplaced in my family. It is almost like I am the odd one out. It felt really bad. I mentioned, I break down really easily, I broke down almost immediately. Instead of comforting me, they added fire onto the whole situation, saying how I am weak.


I felt like lost and alone. Does no one felt the same way as me? Wanting to do something and make it your pride whenever you mention it?


Never alone, never apart
We found each other in the dark
Shed our tears and fight our fears
We are one, the lonely hearts

Quoted from The Amity Affliction – Never Alone


I thought, it could not be real. I am alone. I wanted to talk to my friend, however I am scared. My family drilled the whole ‘I am being a idiot and no one is going to feel that same way as me’ into my head. I am afraid that my friends would laugh at me for being stupid.

I made up my choice and text my friend.

The line… It is real.

My friend responded with a ‘Omg, I know right. That’s what I told my parents and they reacted the same way.’

I am not alone. I have my friend. Turns out friends. All of them felt the same way as me.


Bottom line, I am trying to tell you this :


Feeling alone, does not mean you have to go through a lot, depression, anxiety, suicide thoughts, bullying etc. It just meant that no one understand you.


It does not have be super crazy and serious. So it is perfectly normal to feel alone and lonely.


And another thing I am trying to say is,


You are never alone. Somehow out there, someone is facing the same thing that you can going through. You are never alone. There is always music. Music is the getaway to everything. In the process, you can also meet friends that shares the same experience as you. Proving that you are not alone.


I do not know if you are going through anything. However if you are, I am here darling. I can accompany you, in fact we all can. So you are not alone, none of us is. We all had that certain anyone out there.


Listen, always…
We’ll be drowning in our grave
Are we can’t stand for ourselves
We have to stay afloat
(We struggle to breathe)


Do not let anyone go through what you did, feeling alone and lonely. 

Listen to understand, not listen to answer.

That is what people is doing nowadays. Do not be like them. Save life, not ruin life.


And as I end this blog post, I will leaving you guys with another quote

We fight together, not alone
No matter where our bodies roam




I’ve Never Told a Lie and That Makes Me A Liar

I believe in life, people will always start to lie. Be it white lie or just lies. Lying sometimes come naturally, however sometimes it gets hard to lie. 


Have you ever lied?


That’s an obvious answer. All of us had at least lied once. To protect ourselves selfishly or to protect someone else. At least, that is what I chose to believe in.


I lie. Everyone lie. Name me one person that do not lie. Not even the greatest men on Earth can compare to this. Their lie just was not made figured out because they are good actors and authors.


We had all lied to ourselves at one point.

“I’m fine.”
“I’ll be okay.”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“I’m strong enough.” 

And at some point, due to us saying to so many times, we started to believe it. That is great, provided you are not running away from some of the reality and the troubles you faced. However, in reality, when we start to believe it, we start to run away from our problems too.


Reason being? It feels great to be okay. It feel great when you know that you do not have any problems behind you.


I ran away my problems, and I am still running. It is like a marathon that never ends. And soon, you will get tired and break down harder, because speed always hit harder.


I am not saying not to lie. I am saying everyone lies. It is part of human nature to lie when we want to protect ourselves.


That line had never been so real.


Lying to certain people is right, but I am going to tell you this. Never lie to your family. All of you guys have the same blood running your body. That makes you closer than anyone. And if you can’t even trust your family, who are you going to trust now? 


Unless you have a broken family, then darling, you are one strong girl / guy. I can never imagine what I would do to myself if that ever happened to me. You guys can’t trust anyone but yourself, and your partner (not boyfriend, it’s not promised)


If lying is bad, why do people still do it? Reason? It save our own sorry butt, and sadly the truth is, everyone wants to survive thus the lying. Never get caught in a deep one or you will have to keep lying about it and pray that no one ever figure it out. 


Let me ask you this, what is the worst lie you had ever told anyone?


Title is from a song called Jasey Rae – All Time Low

I’ve never told a lie,
and that makes me a liar,
I’ve never made a bet,
but we gamble with desire,
I’ve never lit a match,
with intent to start a fire,
but recently the flames,
are getting out of control.



Stress, Confidence, Desperate?

Who isn’t desperate to breathe? Everyone is desperate to finally get some air, away from stress and everything that society caused.   In this time now, everyone that have the ability to take care of themselves have stress. Young or old. It is funny, ain’t? How all the older people laughed at us when we tell them that we are under stress? They somehow pat our back while laughing, telling us how we haven’t met society…   Wrong. We are staring at it everyday, which caused us desperate to get away.   Society, does not only meant working life.   It too meant bullying, judging, stereotyping. This is all caused by society. People who wants to feel good about themselves, thus all of this drama.   Isn’t that society? Even if you don’t get bully, somewhere underneath you, you are still not confident about yourself, which caused you to be desperate.   Confidence? Everyone just have the idea that beauty = confident. No. It does not only mean looks. It could mean in studies, in skills, in sports.   I had always wondered. I am not confident in my looks, but I had gotten over it. Why do I still break down easily?

It is usually connected, stress and confident.

  If you are confident, you will not feel as much stress. However, if you are not confident, you start over thinking and bam, stress.   You may have a perfect family and yet feel the need to cry yourself to sleep at night. You do not have that annoying parent or siblings or anyone that hates you or you are not even bullied and yet you felt the need to cry yourself to sleep at night.   To me, that is normal. Perfectly normal. You do not need a broken family, you do not need to be bullied to feel that need. Everyone have their times like that. And no. That does not mean that you are weak.   If you are alive, it meant one thing. You will be strong enough. Strength is not born into you, it takes training and all the break down. Everything you break down, you stand up stronger.   What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, huh?   Everyone have their moments of breaking down. And not all the time, does it have to be the super serious (bullying, judgmental people) case. It could because you are not confident in yourself in anyway. In looks, in working, in anything that you like.   It went from desperate to breaking down. It is all link.   When you are desperate, you break down easily. I am facing one as I am typing this out now. My head hurts for air. I want to breathe but I do not have that strength of get out of this.   However, just because you are desperate and breaking down, it does not mean that you will have to cut yourself to ‘feel alive’.   Just stay strong…   Sometimes, that line is so cliche. However let me ask you, how many times does that work? It hurts and sometimes, hard to stay strong. I will not ask you guys to stay strong but I am going to say this,

“If you can make pass this, you can make pass bigger things. You gain experience as you go by and that makes you stronger and better. So are you going to stay here or are you going to keep moving? And maybe one day, you will be doing your dream job, or even telling you stories to other kids that relates to you. You are your own biggest enemy. How you chose to react, paints out your future.”



A Handful of Moments I Wished I Could Change

Give me therapy, I’m a walking travesty
But I’m smiling at everything
Therapy, you were never a friend to me
And you can keep all your misery

This was the first song that I had heard from All Time Low.

How did I find this song? I typed out , “They’re better off without you”

I had a rough day that day, people all said that I break down easily and that day, I felt extra down. I felt that I worked really hard but everyone is pretty against me. (Well expect my friend)
You have no idea how much this song relate to me and how much tears I cried that day.
This song saved life.
Anyone can relate this?


In the title, I quoted one of the line in the song,

“A handful of moments I wished I could change”


People often live in regrets. Regrets on the things they could have done. Regrets on the things they had done. Regrets on words they could not get out of their mouth. Every second is just regrets. How are you going to live if you just keep basking in regrets? Life gets harder from there when regrets appear in every single moment of your life. Never live in regrets or you will die sad. Tomorrow is never promised, right? I get scare somethings, thinking about how just one day, I might suddenly die or something without doing what I had always wanted to do. Everything in life is full of dangers. Even eating. You can choke and die girl. It’s not cute.

I often live in regrets. Thinking, won’t it better if I did this? Won’t it better if I had not done that? Would life be different if I made a different choice?


Don’t do that.


If you are scare that you are going to regret your action one day, then do it now.


Go up to your parents, hug them, thank them for the life they gave you. Say you love them.
Go up to your enemy, forgive them. Laugh it out. It do not hurt to be a bigger person sometimes.
Call up your old friend, and laugh on all the silly things you guys had done. Memories are priceless.


All of this are moments you can change. Make it better. You will not have any other chances.


And no. No one is better off without you. I am not better off without you. Without you, no one will be reading what I had posted. So thank you for existing, beautiful. Or handsome. Whatever suits your flow darling.


I am not better off without you. So…


Just Started

I wanted to start this blog for a simple reason.


I want to be able to help someone out there. I don’t want to get famous for blogging just because I look pretty. I want to get famous, for what I post about. Life… Deep thoughts. Being famous of your looks, you’re making other feel bad about themselves while you feel good. It is not supposed to work this way.


I do not know why I started this blog, when obviously no one will be reading this.


What inspire me to do this?


My loves and my heroes.


My heroes are what others called ‘bad’.


They do not wear capes, they are covered in tattoos.


They inspire me so much. They saved me when I have suicidal thoughts. I want to do the same to the others.


After all…

Ain’t we just suicidal kids, telling other kids that suicide is not the way to life?

I live on that quote.


This blog will be a mixture of quotes, boy bands and a bit of my personal everyday. So please follow me! :)